Non-Pool
Topic: A little humour!

domino-pool

http://www.riemurasia.net/jylppy/displayimage.php?pos=-14665

(sorry if it has already been posted...no time to check)

Well done Johanna, we had that one weeks ago !!!!!

God Said, Adam I Want you to do
Something for me."


Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"


God said, "Go down into that valley."


Adam said, "What's a valley?"


God explained it to him.


Then God said, "Cross the river."


Adam said, "What's a river?" !


God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill......."


Adam said, "What is a hill?"


So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.


He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave"


Adam said, "What's a cave?"


! After God explained, he said, "In the cave you will find a Woman."


Adam said, "What's a woman?"


So God explained that to him, too.


Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."


Adam said, "How do I do that?"


God first said (under his breath), "Geez....." !


And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.


So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.


Then, in about five minutes, he was back.


God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"


And Adam said


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"What's a headache

The Love Dress

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house.

She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.

Soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered."

But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my LOVE dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"LOVE dress? But you're naked!"

"My husband LOVES me to wear this dress," she explained.

"It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my LOVE dress," she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?"

Ewwwww!!!

Our ever vigilant Webmaster made an excellent "catch" just recently, and I think, deserves a round of applause (or drinks) for his quick action and thinking.

A scalleywag, of obviously low moral fibre, elected to insert a bit of unauthoriazed text into Simons interview. I do hope some have taken the time to read Simons article, he did a wonderful job on it.

The unauthorized text was an advertisement for, of all things, Viagra!


Now, what Viagra has to do with pool cues is way beyond my comprehension,
but for the benefit of those that are new to the game and may have fallen
victim to this claim, I feel obliged to make the following announcement:

PLEASE BE ADVISED, in no way, shape, or form, do I endorse the use of
this product on my pool cues!



Regardless of what this text may have claimed, Viagra will not cause YOUR
SHAFT to hit more FIRM , HARDER , or STIFFER! It just is not true folks.

The hit of a pool cue can easily be altered without the use of prescription medicines. The first action I recommend would be changing the TIP on your
SHAFT to a HARDER one.

It is also possible to make a cue hit SOFT , simply by making slight alterations to the SHAFT or by installing a SOFT TIP .


I cannot speak from experience, but I strongly suspect the use of Viagra might hinder a gentlemans APPROACH to the table as well.

Further, I suspect the use of Viagra during matches would invite UNWANTED ATTENTION to the PLAYER at a time when concentration would be most important. But then, dependant upon the gender of the audience, this ATTENTION may well be desireable. That would be the individuals decision to make NATURALLY .

Thank you Big Dave for watching over us and not allowing these undesireables to STIFF us readers and posters.

Best Regards,

Wayne

Here's the link to the totally SPAMMED article to which Wayne is referring - scroll down to the very bottom to see the millions of SPAM messages!!!

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father
was to arrive, Mr Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm
off now. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by some chance coincidence, a door-to-door
baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been
expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know
babies are my speciality then?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat "
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch,
and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor
is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry
and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or
seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be
in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed
with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly to herself.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of
his baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider that
her mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done
right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just
had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,
um....equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up
my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much
too heavy to be held in the hand very long."
With that, Mrs. Smith fainted.

In a small Irish Village...The priest was saying goodby to his congregation after finishing mass...and to his supprise he spots 'Shamus' as he was leaving the church...

"It is so good to see you Shamus,... you seldom join us for mass"......

"Well father" says Shamus, "the truth is that I lost my hat and came into the church to steal one from your flock"

"I see that you still don't have a hat" said the priest, "So I can only assume that when I said the ten commandments and you heard the one about thou shall not steal...you repented and decided not to steal the hat?"

"Alas no father" said Shamus,

" Its when you came to the one about thou shall not commit adultery that I remembered where I left my hat".!!!

Living Will

Last night, Dianne and I were sitting in the living
room talking about many things. The idea of a living will came
up and I said to her,

"I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent
on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If I ever
come to that just pull the plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.

female dog...

Subject: I'm a harlot

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that    she
needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll
need to ask you a few questions. He gets her name, address, social
security number, etc. and then asks, what is your occupation?"
"I'm a harlot," she says. The accountant is somewhat taken back
and says, "No, No, No, that won't work. Let's try to rephrase that"
The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite
chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with
being a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."


"Chicken Farmer it is..."

everything hurts from laughing!!!

just check the link...
http://ebaumsworld.com/2007/01/best-laugh-ever.html

You've got too much time on your hands Shir!!!

haha received it by email.. didn't go and search for it..

just watched it again!!!

It's great to get somebody smiling...

Brilliant shir....

Getting dumped live on radio...brilliant.
http://www.filecabi.net/video/radio-dumper.html

bruno mate that is unreal brilliant though

oh my god...
Hahahaa