Things I have learned from a Texan:
1) Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with all four feet in the air.
2) There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas.
3) There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas, plus a few no one has ever seen before.
4) Raccoons will test your melon crop and let you know when they are ripe.
5) If it grows, it will stick you. If it crawls, it will bite you!
6) Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.
7) some people put razor wire around their house.
A tractor is NOT an all terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
9) In West Texas the wind blows at 90 mph from Oct 2 till June 25; then it stops totally until October 2.
10) "Onced" and"twiced" are words.
11) People actually grow and eat okra.
12) Green grass DOES burn.
13) When you live in the country you don't have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at your front gate in the middle of the night.
14) The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first few weeks.
15) When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to see a doctor.
16) "Fix-in-to" is one word.
17) There ain't no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner and then there's supper.
1
"Sweetened ice tea" is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you are two.
19) "Backwards and forwards" means I know everything there is to know about you.
20) "Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning, "Did you eat?"
21) You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
22) You measure distance in minutes.
23) You can switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
24) Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.
25) You will see a car with the engine running in the Wal-mart parking lot with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
26) All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit,vegetable or a varmint.
27) You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
2
You carry jumper cables for your own car.
29) You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.
30) You only have four spices in your kitchen: Salt, Pepper, Catsup, and Tabasco.
31) You think everyone from north of Dallas has an accent.
32) Sexy underwear is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
33) The local papers covers national and international news on one page but requires six pages to cover Friday night high school football.
34) The first day of deer season is a national holiday.
35) You know which leaves make acceptable toilet paper.
36) You find 100 degrees a "tad" warm.
37) All four seasons are: Almost summer, summer, still summer and Christmas.
3
You know whether another Texan is from East, West, North, or South Texas as soon as he opens his mouth.
39) Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past-time known as"goin Wal-Martin"or "off to Wally-world."
40) You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.
41) A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop .It's a Coke regardless of brand or flavor.
42) Texans understand these jokes.
